Got Really ticked off the other day, so I decided to write it out of my system.

The game. The endless game that grinds hopes, dreams, and confidence to bits. The endless competition that wreaks in the hallways, the invisible film behind everyone’s eyes. The inbred drive of the human mind to succeed is its fuel, and created by society, it stands as the pinnacle judge of the human performance. Those who adapt, and play, will win forever, but those who cannot, will fall forever. Its sickening rules divide the people, pitting one individual against the other, destroying dreams when lost, building pride, and a moment of peace if won. The game delights in the scramble of its players to win. Like a swarm of locusts it comes upon its victims to feed upon their broken aspirations, to mock them to their faces, and grind their spirit to the bone. The winners, held up by society’s biased judgment of success for all the world to see, while the losers stand in their shadow. Helpless as they scramble about, to find some means of escaping the prison of their own failure, to somehow prove themselves. Failure…failure. The word echoes through the mind, and it causes extreme convulsions of the heart as a torrent of questions begins to spin. Did I try hard enough? Did I want it enough? So the game continues. The winners proceed, happy, and wonder why the losers are not. Actually wondering as the losers stand and see the broken pieces of their own dreams lying at their feet, and the brilliance of the winner standing over them, making the broken crystal shine in “what could have been”. As the torrent of the game passes, seeds of bitterness are left. The losers are left to deal with what left they have. They learn to hate the game. They would rather die than play it. So they exile themselves to escape the pain. They learn to hate themselves, for their failures, and the realization that this might be the effect of lost pride enrages their spirit. They argue against this realization in their hearts. It is not the lost pride but rather the disappointment they feel towards themselves… or is it? The dark contemplation provides the seeds of bitterness with the proper light to sprout and blossom. Destroying the heart, destroying the mind. So the game continues. In the utter silence of their minds, failures haunt them, and they are left alone to contemplate. Over and over like sick equations they evaluate life, and in the end they find the answer.  As they peer through the mist of human ignorance they bear witness to a beast with a gaping mouth, the truth. Utter futility. Thus, the greatest wisdom has been found, and thus, those who are truly wise, the true winners, undergo the greatest pain. For they may have the greatest knowledge and wisdom, but that wisdom is the uselessness of all things, and thus in its own existence the realization is nothing but dust. Instantly they think they should have happiness. For once they have something that the Gods of society do not. But when they look, only a deeper sadness remains. They realize at last that there is no escape from their pain, and they learn to hate their hope. For with the utmost truth, everything in the world is dimmed, even the hope that one day they will succeed. So the game has come full circle, and its coup de grace, this entirety is REALITY. Yes, you, live here. Yes, you will exist in the torrent of competition, and yes you, will have to find where you stand, even if it means nothing. “What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.” Haha, welcome to life poor victim. Have fun.

Men give love for sex, women give sex for love. Like a white hot dagger this grinds in the stone of my honor code in sniveling defiance. Hatred grows, and I realize that all emotion is my enemy. Destroy them all.

Aside from the psychotic statement, yeah I know I have not updated this thing for who knows how long... just been too lazy I guess. HIghschool is finally winding down, thank God. Canot wait to go to college an dreally excersize my brain and actually LEARN. I had wrist surgery a couple of months ago and my recovery has gone ok,,, umm more later I guess.

Ok. So I will update. Hmmm, man not too much has been happening really... School is school...going way way too fast though, but yet it is good. Curently hating weekends... would rather be in school so there is something to do. However today was fun, was helping my dad dig up an old tree stump... yeah got my hands on a double headed axe... yeah..... that is why some of my friends call me the lumberjack.... yeah.... so did that all day, digging, shoveling, and hacking to pieces.... hands are swollen/not moving all too well right now... but meh, loved the excersize, getting dirty, and so fourth. What else can I blaab on about. Not too much else to tell. December 4 I am having my eagle ceremony, so just getting ready for that. Ummmm..... kinda looking forward to the holidays.. but again not too much. Hating orchestra, but then again I think I am going to try a new approach on Monday, by taking control... kinda. We will see how that goes. Anyway latas all.